1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
  2. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk
    and announce to the other passengers that this is your “personal space”.
  3. Grimace painfully while smacking you forehead
    and muttering: “Shut up, darn it! All of you just shut UP!”
  4. Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a
    Small World” incessantly.
  5. Sell Girl Scout Cookies.
  6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the
    natural frequency of the elevator.
  7. Shave.
  8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while
    peering inside ask: “Got enough air in there?”
  9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the
    elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
  10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner,
    facing the wall, without getting off.
  11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain
    to yank the doors open, then act embarassed when they open by themselves.
  12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper:
    “Noogie patrol coming!”
  13. Greet everyone on the elevator with a warm
    handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
  14. One word: Flatulence!
  15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and
    demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft
    go “plink” at the bottom.
  16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
  17. Stare, grinning at an other passenger for a
    while, and then announce: “I’ve got new socks on!”
  18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from
    the back: “Oh, not now — motion sickness!”
  19. Give religious tracks to each passenger.
  20. Meow occasionally.
  21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter
    in your nose.
  22. Frown and mutter “Gotta go, gotta
    go,” then sigh and say, “Oops!”
  23. Show the other passengers a wound and ask if
    looks infected.
  24. Sing “Mary had a little lamb” while
    continually pushing buttons.
  25. Holler “Chutes away!” whenever the
    elevator descends.
  26. Walk on with a cooler that says “human
    head” on the side.
  27. Stare at another passenger for a while then announce,
    “You’re one of THEM!” and move to the far corner of the elevator.
  28. Burp and then say, “mmmm…tasty!”
  29. Leave a box between the doors.
  30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push
    the button for them.
  31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other
    passengers “through” it.
  32. Start a sing-a-long.
  33. When the elevator is silent, look around and
    ask, “Is that your beeper?”
  34. Play the harmonica.
  35. Shadow box.
  36. Say, “Ding!” at each floor.
  37. Lean against the button panel.
  38. Say, “I wonder what all these do” and push the red buttons.
  39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
  40. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents
    of your kleenex to other passengers.
  41. Bring a chair along.
  42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another
    passenger: “Wanna see wha in muh mouf?”
  43. Blow spit bubbles.
  44. Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find
    a more suitable host body.”
  45. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
  46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
  47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
  48. Wear “X-Ray Specs” and leer
    suggestively at other passengers.
  49. Stare at your thumb and say, “I think it’s getting larger.”
  50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler,
    “Bad touch!”
  51. When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the
    shoulder, then pretend
    it wasn’t you.
  52. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and
    go back for more.
  53. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the
    wrong ones.
  54. Call a bondage 900 line from a cell phone.
  55. Hold the doors open and say your waiting for your friend, after
    awhile let the doors close and say, “Hi Greg. How’s your day
  56. Cat basket and take a nap in the corner.
  57. Bounce a superball around the elevator.
  58. Light a cigarette and tell people “Smokey the Bear doesn’t
    know what the hell he’s talking about.”
  59. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up,
    scream “That’s mine!”
  60. Stand in the corner, reading a telephone book, laughing
  61. Bring a camera and take a picture of everyone in the elevator.
  62. Move your desk into the elevator and when ever someone gets on,
    ask if “they have an appointment.”
  63. When the doors close, use duct tape and work furiously to tape
    the doors together. Ask for help.
  64. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they want to play.
  65. Bring a hammer and nails and hang pictures of yourself on the
    walls. Ask people, “Isn’t that a good picture of me?”
  66. Leave your 12 foot long python alone in the elevator.
  67. Turn off the lights in the elevator to “conserving
  68. Leave a box in the corner and when someone gets on ask them if
    they hear something ticking.
  69. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency
    procedures and exits with the passengers.
  70. Clean your gun.
  71. Ask, “Did you feel that, I felt a rumble?”
  72. Dressed in coveralls, get in a full elevator and when the door
    closes, push the stop button, post an out of order sign inside and
    go to work on the access panel, saying “This may take a
  73. Push the call button, when the voice answers ask,
  74. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
  75. When the doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay,
    don’t panic, they open up again.”
  76. Push your floor button with your tongue.
  77. Stand alone, when the doors open, tell anyone trying to get on
    that the car is full and that they should wait for the next one.
  78. Swat at flies that don’t exist.
  79. Shoot rubber bands at everyone.
  80. When the doors open, pretend that you bounce off a force field
    when you try to leave.
  81. Ride Naked.
  82. When people get on, ask for their tickets and check that they
    meet the “height requirements.”
  83. Push the top floor button, and announce that you tried to kill
    yourself yesterday, but the other building wasn’t high enough.
  84. Talk to people about “the golden age of elevators in the
    50s.” Explain why modern elevators can’t compete with
    “gas-powered lifts.”
  85. Borrow small items from other people in the elevator, then shout
    “Weee!” as you drop them through the crack in the floor
    when the elevator doors open.
  86. Jump Rope.
  87. Bring a shovel and try to dig a hole.
  88. When the doors close, menacingly announce that “it’s going
    to be a bumpy ride.”
  89. Tell people that you can see their aura.
  90. Call out, “Group hug!” and enforce it.

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